Denjuu Wrold Story <That same like E-Mon Wrold>

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Sir Allan Newlight(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by Sir Allan Newlight(imported) »

Now i post cleary good version of my Denjuu Wrold Story.
I would thak's Sonic Girl for correct my mistakes.

It was a beautiful summer day. I was waiting for my friend Jan at the park. He said that he had something to show me in person. I could tell it was really important to him with how fast he spoke on the phone. I could barely understand, but I got that he wanted to show me something under the tree with the giant hole in it. I had often wondered about the tree that I sat under at this very moment. Jan and I had often played under this tree as kids. Its hole just led to the other side though. I was interrupted from my flashbacks when I heard panting above me. It was Jan. He had obviously been running really hard to get here. His panting sounded painful. Before I could say anything he said,” I got *pant* a new phone *wheeze*!” He fell to his knees panting. I felt kinda sorry for him. He then dropped his phone. I picked it up; it said d-shoot on the side. “Where did you get this,” I asked as he regained his breath. “From that new store,” “Cool, but why get so excited about it?” Because it hasn’t officially hit the stores, and their selling them dirt cheap! And you gotta see this!” He dialed a number, but before he could finish, an earthquake started. A voice came from the phone, but I could not understand it, because of all the commotion. “WHOA! THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!” He shouted. Before I knew it we were sucked into the hole. Where it went, I had no idea, but it wasn’t the park, I knew that for sure…
Sonic_Girl(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story <That same like E-Mon Wrold>

Post by Sonic_Girl(imported) »

Atecain wrote: Now i post cleary good version of my Denjuu Wrold Story.
I would thak's Sonic Girl for correct my mistakes.

It was a beautiful summer day. I was waiting for my friend Jan at the park. He said that he had something to show me in person. I could tell it was really important to him with how fast he spoke on the phone. I could barely understand, but I got that he wanted to show me something under the tree with the giant hole in it. I had often wondered about the tree that I sat under at this very moment. Jan and I had often played under this tree as kids. Its hole just led to the other side though. I was interrupted from my flashbacks when I heard panting above me. It was Jan. He had obviously been running really hard to get here. His panting sounded painful. Before I could say anything he said,” I got *pant* a new phone *wheeze*!” He fell to his knees panting. I felt kinda sorry for him. He then dropped his phone. I picked it up; it said d-shoot on the side. “Where did you get this,” I asked as he regained his breath. “From that new store,” “Cool, but why get so excited about it?” Because it hasn’t officially hit the stores, and their selling them dirt cheap! And you gotta see this!” He dialed a number, but before he could finish, an earthquake started. A voice came from the phone, but I could not understand it, because of all the commotion. “WHOA! THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!” He shouted. Before I knew it we were sucked into the hole. Where it went, I had no idea, but it wasn’t the park, I knew that for sure…
I'm glad you like it! I like how it turned out too :D ! I love writing! When I wrote this part, I thought that this would be the first drft of the entire part first part you wrote, but it just grew :) ! I'm having a lot of fun working on this story :crypto: !
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andwhyisit
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by andwhyisit »

Can't wait for the next part. :D
Sir Allan Newlight(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by Sir Allan Newlight(imported) »

I felt like I was in a dream once I entered the hole, it felt so different then the world I was in before, so peaceful. There were colors everywhere, no ground, just the colors swirling around me, it felt like a kaleidoscope almost. I was floating in pure rainbow. ’Am I dead?’ I thought ‘If I’m dead, then I don’t want to be alive, if the way to heaven feels like this,’ I was floating softly down, like a feather. I didn’t have a care in the world, not even where I was going, or where Jan was…

I landed in a desert near what looked like a palace fit for royalty. I was still asleep with the happiest, most peaceful, and clear dreams, I’ve ever had. I felt at bliss. I was so at peace that I did not even wake up when I landed. “FOR THE 4TH TIME, WAKE UP YOU HUMAN!” Hissed a voice “Just 5 more minutes Mom…” I said sleepily. “MOM!?!?” the voice hissed angrily. I felt a whack as big as a tree truck, which hurt like hell! ‘What could do that,’ I wondered the second before I opened my eyes in panic. ”Good, your awake now, lets get one thing straight, I AM MALE! I do the…” “HOLY CRAP WHAT ARE YOU AND PLEASE DON’T EAT ME! I DO NOT TASTE GOOD, NOT EVEN WITH KETCHUP!” I cried out scared at what the monster standing before me wanted with me. It was taller then me, black and grey, looked very much like a cobra. It had pearl white fangs. It had ARMS and what looked like BEAR CLAWS! I was imagining every last thing it could do to me before it ate me. “Relax; I’m not going to eat you! I want to help you, but first need your d-shoot in order to do that,” I was confused, ‘What is a D-Shoot,’ ’I thought. Then I remembered what happened before and said “I don’t have one but my friend Jan does…JAN OH CRAP WHERE IS JAN!” I began to panic. ‘Relax; just tell me, what is your name and what happened before you got here. Maybe I can help,” I took a deep breath said, “My name is Bartek and…” I began to tell my story.
Sir Allan Newlight(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by Sir Allan Newlight(imported) »

And the naxt part. I've got D-Shoot and Ganraikou for friend.

"So that's how you got here," said the monster. "Well I guess I should take you to Faia-Kokko, the leader of the Bird Family," it said "Bird Family?" I said confused "Our city, Palan, is divided into 2 different secions, each part ruled and populated by different Families. You are in the Snake Family's part of Palan. I am Surugumu, leader of of this Family. We need to find Faia-Kokko, the leader of the Bird Family," Surugumu said, grabbing a phone that looked exactly like Jan's new phone. "Let's go" said Surugumu. I immediatly remembered while we began to walk that Jan was God-knows-where, I began to get worried about him again. "Don't worry about your friend, Faia-Kokko should know what to do, plus he has a spare D-Shoot just in case a human falls in our world here," "Do humans tend to fall in the Denjuu World?" I asked. "It's rare.Usaully humans here live here, I just wonder how your friend got a D-Shoot. Those are hard to come by in the human world." "He said he got it from a new store." I replied. "That's strange, we don't want just anyone in the Denjuu World, it could lead to diasaster," I was just about to ask another question when a bird that looked like it was on fire came up to us with a smaller bird next to it came up to it. "I am Faia-Kokko, and this is my daughter, Ganraikou."
Sir Allan Newlight(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by Sir Allan Newlight(imported) »

Here i posted long waited part 4

"Faia-Kokko, good to see you, listen, we have a problem." Surugumu began to explain the situation to this phoenix-like bird and this smaller bird that looked like him. "So he needs a partner" said Faia-Kokko. "I'll help him," said Ganraikou "No, you can't just leave Palan. We need you here. What if something were to happen to me? Who would take over my position." Faia-Kokko said firmly with a little bit of worry. "Dad, I am one of the strongest fighters in the Bird Family. I think I
handle getting a human back to Earth. I'll be ok, you don't have to worry." Ganraikou said just as firm as her father did. "You have no idea what lies ahead, outside the city, it's dangerous, not every human or Denjuu is friendly, I don't think you are ready..." "OF COURSE I AM AND YOU KNOW IT!" "Err, do you want us to come back Faia-Kokko?" asked Surugumu nervously. "That would be good. Let's go, Ganrai," There was no response from her, but she relutantly obeyed.
As they walked away I asked "Surugumu, why wouldn't he let Ganraikou be my partner?" as we began to walk back to Snake Family territory "He's been very protective of her ever since Faia-Kokko, his wife and her mother died." Surugumu explained "She died? That's terrible!" "Yes it is. He told me a little after once it happened that he would die before anything happens to Ganraikou. This isn't something you go around spewing to people, okay? It's a very sensitive topic between me and him. Do you understand?" he said. "I understand." I said. "Good. You can stay with me in my house until you get a partner." "Okay," I said. I was filled with emotion and sadness for Ganraikou. I had a hard time sleeping wondering about how any living being could live without a mom. That made me think about mine, and my family and friends, and how I missed them. Especially Jan. I wondered if he was okay and how he was doing.
The next morning I still pretty bad, I ate breakfast and Surugumu told me, "I know you feel bad, but don't tell Ganraikou or Faia-Kokko that," I could'nt believe he said that. "WHY!?!" I demanded. He got defensive "LISTEN YOU HUMAN,I KNOW IT'S A HORRIBLE THING TO LIVE WITH AND A HORRIBLE THING TO LISTEN TO, I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY SO DON'T YOU GO STARTING DRAMA, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE ESPECAILLY A HUMAN! AND..." "WHAT ABOUT HUMANS? I KNOW THAT THERE BAD PEOPLE HERE, BUT THERE ARE BAD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE AND I'M SURE THAT NOT EVERY DENJUU IS NICE EATHIER!" I tried to regain my breath from yelling. Surugumu smiled. "How can you smile after yelling at me?" I yelled again "HOW!" He replied, "Because that is the reason I told you. Because, your not like any of the humans who have come into the Denjuu World." I was confused, "Huh?" I said "Let me expalain. You are purer then any other kid who has fallen into this world. Most kids and well, ANY human who falls into our world is still maturing in the palaces your all grown up in, including the adults. You try to understand a persons pain and try to help them no matter what, you are a very loyal friend, and I wish I could be yours and go with you, but I can't because this city needs a ruler, and there is no one I trust in the Snake Family to do my job." I was stunned, no one trusted me or had this much faith in me before. Usally people on Earth would take advantage of me and my kindness. But I never gave up, but how could he know anything about me? I began to think 'How could he know this much about me he's only known me for a little over a day,' I couldn't take it, I was so filled with emotions taht I did the first thing that came to mind, run. "Wait!! Where are you going, the Snake Part of Palan is dangerous!" Surugumu yelled out to me. I didn't care. I couldn't grasp that someone knew who I was inside. As soon as I got out the door, Ganraikou Was outside the doors waiting for me. "GANRAIKOU!?!" I yelled suprised. "Don't be stupid and run, human. Accept his kindness, and mine,"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?" I yelled. "Follow me," Ganraikou said,"And stop yelling, you'll attract unessary attention," I just wanted to be alone, but my desire to help overcame my other emotions. "Listen I'm sorry about your mother, and..." "Oh please save your breath, I don't need pity, what I need is out of this damned city," I began to get angry, here I am trying to help her and she gets an additude with me. "Bartek, listen, you have no idea what I'm going through, I need out, NOW!" I could see a mix of emotions in her eyes, anger, fear, and most of all, misery. I was speechless at those emotions. "Well, are you gonna help me get out of here or not?" "Does your father..." "NO! Of course not! Now are you going to help me or not? If you do, we both benefit, I'll take you to the nearest antenna tree, and I'll get out of this prison,and..." "But you can't just run away from home, you don't know what's out there, I don't know what's out there!" "But I am one of the strongest fighters of the Bird Family, I think that I can take care of both of us," she responded. "But, what about your dad and friends? What will they think when you just disappear?" "I don't care what they think, I just want out of here," There was silence. The look in her eyes didn't change. "Well, do you want protection on your way back to Earth?"
I didn't know what to say. "No" was all I said. It just came out, like what I was about to say. "I don't want a Denjuu friend who doesn't care about the others in her life, I'd rather be mauled by some feral Denjuu. I want to be with those who care about those around them, not someone who's willing to throw everything away for something
they don't even know what it is. I can understand wanting to leave for a while, but I'm sure that your dad would compromise with you about leaving the city for a while, he's only doing what's best for you! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!?!" Ganraikou was speechless. I saw a few tears come out of her eyes. "Your right," she said, "About everything,"


After a talk with Faia-Kokko, which took a long time to convince him, He gave me a D-shoot and gave Ganraikou permission to leave the city and help me get home and find Jan. My adventure had just begun...
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andwhyisit
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story <That same like E-Mon Wrold>

Post by andwhyisit »

Atecain wrote: I saw a few tears come out of her eyes. "Your right," she said, "About everything,"
Correction: "Your" should be "You're".
Sir Allan Newlight(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by Sir Allan Newlight(imported) »

LONG WAITED FIVE PART OF MY STORY... <I DOING SOME MISTAKES>

When we leave the Palan. Ganraikou said to me. "Thank's Bartek..."
I'm only smiled. "Doesn't thank me. Your father able you to leave Palan"
Ganraikou look at me.
"Yes... But... He do this becouse he want help you back to the Earth"
"WH...WHAT?" I said suprised.
" My Father. Faia-Koko want your back to the Earth Safely... The Surugum was told about your missed Family. Well..." Whet the Ganraikou said that... I have the tears in my eyes.
" Yes... My mother, My Father... And my horrible but loved brother... Aghhh.... Now he searching for me... " I started cry. Ganraikou come to me... And said.
"Don't cry Bartek... You back to your world... And seen back your parent's and your brother"
I was look at she." Are you think? "Yes ^^" She smiled.
" Ok... Ganraikou? Where we was going?" " We going to the M-City Virgian... In this city you can fell if you been in your world" " Meybe if i fell..." When we entered to the M-City Virgian I seen the lot of other Denjuu's. Near the shop i seen one guy... I know that guy.
" Jan? I found you ^^" He look at me. " Bartek... Wow. Are you alive... Huh... When i fall to this world i seen this big city... And a one Kokia want been my friend" He seen the Ganraikou.
" Hi... You been the Bartek friend?" She said " Yes... Well... Bartek been good friend... He said about you." "Well Ganraikou..." I said " Jan... We must back to the Earth" He said Hardly. "NO! I STAY HERE... DENJUU WORLD BEEN BETTER" " JAN!" " Sorry Bartek... But... I stay in this world... Ah... I got a letter from your brother" I was suprised " MY BROTHER BEEN HERE?"
" Yes Bartek" He look at the watch " I must go... Bey Bartek" "Bey Jan" I open the letter.
" BRATEK... IF YOU JAN GIVED YOU THAT MESSAGE I'VE BEEN IN THE TULLUNK VILLAGE. MESA WAS CARE ABOUT ME... I'VE BEEN SAVED... YOUR DEAR BROTHER. PATRIC"
"What your brother wrote in this message?" Ganraikou ask me.
" My brother been in the Tullunk Village" "I know where is this"
I said Happy " Yes? Show me" "Ok. Follow me!"
And i come follow Ganraikou...
Sir Allan Newlight(imported)
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by Sir Allan Newlight(imported) »

After me and Ganraikou left Fressia we was come out in the small isle inside Palm Sea.
" Damit" I said " I can't swim. " I looked at Ganraikou " Meybe you know any other way to Toronoko Village?"
Ganraikou yelled.
" Sorry. But no other way to Toronoko. This is only one way to reach place where your brother is."
I look sad at the sea.
" Well... It mean that we are stuck here. I really can't swim. I never do it beafore"
One of Denjuu which was been on the beach of this isle was heard our conversation. He coming so close.
" Meybe I can help you? I can swim and I can take you and your friend to Iris "
Ganraikou look at me.
" This is our chance. Iris is village on our way to Toronoko. We can try trust him."
"Ok" I said " I can trust you. But first please told me your name"
" My name is Ririope. " Denjuu have some tears in him eyes " Nobody like's me in Iris. Everyone called me an monster. I fell terrible"
" Oh Come on Ririope" I smiled to him " If you want. We can be your friends. If you want. I can give you my number."
Sea Denjuu was shocked. Everyone allways called him an monster and bad person. Now one human want be him friend. He fell now an mix of happy and strange feelings. But in sum he said.
"Sure. I can be your friend human. It was now the time to show my true personality. Show, that all have wrong opinion about me. I'm really good person"
" My name is Bartek Ririope. And here. Take my number".
After we exchange our nubers. I sit on the back of new friend. Ganraikou sit on my arm.
" Ok Ririope. Swim fast as you can. We need go to Toronoko Village"
" Sure. I can do all in my force"
And they sail across the Palm Sea to reach Iris Village. In that sime time on Toronoko Village. Musa and my brother Patric sit near river.
" Are you lost your brother? " Musa asked and look into the eyes of my brother " I fell that in your heart "
" You have right Musa... Strange. When I seen that my brother lost. I tracking him way from comming out from home to path in our town park where is Antena Tree. I don't understand why all this was happend. I never wonder to travel into other world and make friends with creatures which can talk like humans."
" I know what you fell human. All Denjuu think also like you. Beafore Sanaeba and him minions noone from Denjuu known any human being. I don't know how he went to this world. But I think it must be that same way which your brother appeared here. I'm sure. That him friend give him message that you are here. And you and him meet again"
" Meybe you have right elder Musa. Meybe you have right..."
After this. I, Ganraikou and Ririope was in the edge of Iris.
" Here we are. Welcome in Iris Bartek " Sea Denjuu smiled " I hope you found your brother "
" I hope so. Can you come with us to Tullunk?"
Ririope said sadly
" I want, but I can't move on the land. My body is for live in the sea "
" So sad " Said Ganraikou " But when we need you we call surely for you"
" Thank you both. Take it from me. I don't know what that item was. But it was from your world Bartek"
Ririope give to me an Gameboy Colour.
" Nice. This is Gameboy Colour. This is device for videogames. I think that you should keep it Ririope. It can give you more fun. Anyways. Goodbey. Until next time."
" Goodbey Bartek. And you Ganraikou. Until next time"
Now I enter to Iris Village. Next step in my T-Fanger carrer was done. Get number of new Denjuu. But I don't know. That in the next village known as Kurinon new troube awaiting for me.
In front of Northwest Cave and Antena Tree leading to Toronoko was been strange suited guys known as Kakuzu Party. Inside cave in the deepest chamber was been blue haired woman known as Tabasco.
" I hate that weird kid Shigeki. He can destroy once time my plan, but no more. I do not allow to been beaten by kid."
She's shouting. To her comming one kakuzu party member.
" We are ready Lady Tabasco. All going with the plan. We cut off way to Toronoko by massive amount of guards. Also we are ready to takeover this village"
" Great. Very great. Call to me Nerikara. I need to talk with him "
" I'm sorry Lady Tabasco. But he was in the Toronoko"
" Old weird guy. Allways I must do allthing alone? Ok... After my voting spot we can start invasion. "
I must be quick and strong. Kakuzu Party want start invasion in the Kurino Village.
RacieB
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Re: Denjuu Wrold Story

Post by RacieB »

Oh wow it's been a long time since the last update :o
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